On a daily basis, I am one of you. I drive around the city and try to dodge the bikers that are on the road. There are certain elements of bike culture that bother me, but for the most part, cyclists seem to stay over to the side and not cause a whole lot of problems. I find it's the hardcore riders, the ones that are most comfortable on the roads, that tend to make choices that are hard for drivers to anticipate. This bothers me very much. Yes, I have cursed at cyclists. Avoiding a reckless cyclist even caused my husband to run into another car once. So yes, I am one of you.
However.
Every once in a while, I become a cyclist. This morning was one of those mornings. I thought I might let you, Drivers of Chicago Streets, what is NOT okay.
1) It is not okay to race past me giving me a whole foot of clearance at 40 mph on a road with two lanes. Go into the other freaking lane if you can. Especially when it's 7:30 am on a Sunday and you and I are the only people around.
2) Motorcycles, this one is for you. Yes, we can both scoot between cars stopped at a light. This does not mean it is okay for you to try to squeeze between said cars side by side. Tap your brakes once and allow me the 10 seconds to get past the cars. Then, you too can go through. It's called a single file line. We learned about them in preschool.
3) CTA drivers: you are driving a bus. This is pretty much the largest thing on Chicago streets (not too many semis around). I know you get screwed as bus drivers and cars think that you too are a pain in the ass. Please be aware of where the side of your bus is in relation to me. Treat me like a parked car. I'm just trying to stay out of your way. Please don't buzz me. Especially on bridges.
4) Drivers, I try to stay out of your way as much as possible. That said, the streets of Chicago tend to have many cars parked on them. As much as I would like, I cannot drive through these cars. This applies to all parts of the cars, including their side mirrors. As I stay out of your way as much as possible, I may have to move a bit more into your lane to avoid a parked car. I won't cut in front of you. However, it is not okay to pinch me against these parked cars. Unless you are avoiding a child that ran into the road. But it is especially NOT OKAY when you are racing to get to a red light and stop. This applies to all cars, but is especially important when you are driving a giant SUV and my head barely makes it up to your door handle.
5) When you do pinch me, it is also not okay for you to give me the stink eye. And when I yell an expletive because I've had to slam on my brakes to avoid becoming a pancake, it is definitely not okay for your wife/girlfriend/one night stand with diamond earrings as big as my watch to laugh at me. Why the hell are you guys driving a giant SUV in the city anyways?
So Drivers of Chicago, there it is. The days I am one of you, I will try to also keep these rules in mind. But on the days that I'm not, please don't make my trip from point A to point B be the most harrowing thing I've done in the last 10 years. Thanks.
~l~
ps. if any of you drivers work for bike companies, can you please explain to me why we can put a man on the moon, clone animals, and genetically engineer crops, but we can't make a bike seat that won't make my vah-j ache for a week after I ride my bike? That will be all. Thanks.
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